Know your Shoppe Troll...if you dare.
The common Shoppe Troll (genus: homo-armourae grindenbuffus) is quite unlike it's cousins the Stone, Cave or even Bridge Troll in a staggering variety of ways. Industrious by nature, they live a singular existence producing the unusual modern artifacts of the Armoury under Lars' harried guidance...when properly coaxed with promises of food and money, of course.
Physical Attributes:
- Extra-long nostril hair (to filter out dust, fumes & "special" powders) which they have been known to wrap around their heads on their bizarre High Holy Daze or when the heat in the shoppe isn't working right.
- Unusually thick skin around the hands and arms from scar tissue due to burns, cuts, abrasions & bite marks from fellow Trolls.
- Elongated arms from lifting the 100-lb. casting tanks and other obscure, weighty objects of their "worship".
- Tiny feet to pick out the paths between the piles of projects often found in their lair.
- A sliding membrane in the ear that blocks out the machine sounds and music when they don't have individual control over the Shoppe radio. The ranting demands of the "Boss" are often conveniently drowned out to ease the Troll's stress level.
- Lack of eyelashes & eyebrow on one eye from not putting down their visor when looking into the "glory hole" of the furnace.
Social Structure: Shoppe Trolls often function alone, but perform better in small groups of 3 or more (known technically as a "ouch"), often led in their voluntary drudgery by a lead Troll known as the "Steward" or "the Avatar" and occasionally by their mysterious "Boss". Occasionally quite tender & familial, some members of the ouch can be seen grooming eachother, as one will pick wood-mites & loose wire-wheel strands from the others hair to then turn and let the other swat compressed buffing wheel felt from it's rump. The females (technically known as "trollops", according to leading authority Robert Asprin...) are essentially treated as full equals unless PMSing, in which case they are encouraged to relax in the comfy seats... at the wax table...at the other end of the Lair.
Range: Seasonal (April through November - From The Carolina's to southern New York State, depending on the migrations of their preferred prey, the North American Conspicuous Consumer or where the sushi is running. December through March - the Lair in Central New Jersey, there to perform their obscure rites, commune with their Fire God and finish some orders for barbaric coffee stirrers.)
Seasonal Migratory Patterns: (See Tour Schedule)
Dietary Requirements: Generally omnivorous, they will feed on almost any semi-immobile substance they happen across, leaning towards thick crust pizza, fresh mozzarella in balsamic vinegar and fresh baked chocolate truffle cookies. Scavenging is not unheard of in lean times and occasionally road kill is considered as a light repast in cold months. The rumor of cannibalism still persists after the mysterious disappearance of a couple well known Trolls after a privilege dispute. A unique addiction has formed recently amongst the leading tribe for the liquid SoBe, whose empty bottles the Trolls can be seen performing strange rites of idol (not Billy) worship on late Friday nights. Normally, one or two trolls will leave the Lair to forage for those too weak or engrossed to hunt on their own, further proof of the often misleading evil reputation they have garnered over the years.
Mating Rituals: Interbreeding amongst Shoppe Trolls has been highly discouraged by the Boss to prevent domestic disputes with the stock before it can be sold. Trolls & Trollops are encouraged to find mates or temporary animal attractions outside the realm of the Lair in the pathetic belief that they can be drawn into becoming a troll as well.
Speed: Depends on time of day and "size of carrot" dangling ahead of them.
Armor Class: 6 (leather apron and high scampering dexterity)
Hit Points: 2D31
Special Attacks: Technicolor Snot Blast, faulty Acetylene Torch Ignition, Available Stock Wielding. Females have the value added skill of Scrotal Withering Verbal Abuse.
Special Defenses: Technicolor Snot Blast, Camouflage (from thick coat of buffing compound...) & Limited Teleportation Home (used only in times of extreme deadline).
In Lair: Seasonal; Pre-festival - 99.623%, during festival - 50%, after festival 12% (add 50% if a commission check is imminent)
Treasure Type: Magic Fire sticks, Compact disks (Henry Rollins or Tool mostly, with the occasional Loreena McKennitt tape...), SoBe Black Tea kegs & bus tokens.
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